I got stuck behind some doddery old chap while I was driving into work the other day, and while I fumed and cursed (I was already late anyway) I was transfixed by the hat. It was a sort of Homburg thing (I think - I skipped Hat Recognition at school), and was ludicrously large. And he was verrrry slow. And it occurred to me that (present company excepted) hat-wearing drivers are either very young and of the baseball cap variety, or very old and of the Homburg (maybe) ilk. I suspect them both. Of everything.
For the most part, I can be trusted in the Summer.
I don't usually wear a baseball hat in the car. They usually annoy me, because I'll get in and the rim will catch on something and knock the hat off balance. It's disturbing to my senses. In the Winter, though, I usually wear something like this, only in violet. The hat is warm, fuzzy and it doesn't snag on anything.
Because they're wearing a hat! In a car! Hats are designed to protect your head from the weather - but if you're in a car then there is no weather! Why are you still wearing your hat?!
I must be careful now as I could be read by one self-confessed hat-wearing driver, and since this a blatant rant with no basis in fact and I don't really believe it anyway, it would be a shame to offend anyone... But what I find deeply suspicious is people who appear to have put on a hat specifically to go driving. Men in flat caps driving vintage cars. Old men in Homburgs (maybe - see above) crawling down the bus lane in tiny cars. Young men in baseball caps who have traded in all their boot space for the ability to vibrate furniture out to a range of half a mile. These people appear to me to have put on a hat in the full knowledge that they were about to get in a car. Why? Why? I suspect they have put on a hat to hide some deep embarrassment, like blue ears or a monobrow, or a tree growing out of the top of their heads (shouldn't have swallowed all those apple pips).
8 comments:
This is true. I drive with a hat in the winter.
So you're trustworthy during the summer months?
I got stuck behind some doddery old chap while I was driving into work the other day, and while I fumed and cursed (I was already late anyway) I was transfixed by the hat. It was a sort of Homburg thing (I think - I skipped Hat Recognition at school), and was ludicrously large. And he was verrrry slow. And it occurred to me that (present company excepted) hat-wearing drivers are either very young and of the baseball cap variety, or very old and of the Homburg (maybe) ilk. I suspect them both. Of everything.
For the most part, I can be trusted in the Summer.
I don't usually wear a baseball hat in the car. They usually annoy me, because I'll get in and the rim will catch on something and knock the hat off balance. It's disturbing to my senses. In the Winter, though, I usually wear something like this, only in violet. The hat is warm, fuzzy and it doesn't snag on anything.
Pray tell why.
Because they're wearing a hat! In a car! Hats are designed to protect your head from the weather - but if you're in a car then there is no weather! Why are you still wearing your hat?!
I must be careful now as I could be read by one self-confessed hat-wearing driver, and since this a blatant rant with no basis in fact and I don't really believe it anyway, it would be a shame to offend anyone... But what I find deeply suspicious is people who appear to have put on a hat specifically to go driving. Men in flat caps driving vintage cars. Old men in Homburgs (maybe - see above) crawling down the bus lane in tiny cars. Young men in baseball caps who have traded in all their boot space for the ability to vibrate furniture out to a range of half a mile. These people appear to me to have put on a hat in the full knowledge that they were about to get in a car. Why? Why?
I suspect they have put on a hat to hide some deep embarrassment, like blue ears or a monobrow, or a tree growing out of the top of their heads (shouldn't have swallowed all those apple pips).
Damnit, now you know my secret. My mom told me a long time ago to not swallow appleseeds, but I didn't listen to her.
Now I have an image of you wearing that hat in autumn, with little apples peeking out from under the brim. Could be quite fetching.
That inspires me to go out and find some dangly earrings in the shape of apples. Either that or just buy a bag of apples and eat them. Either way.
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