Opportunities for Cowardice (1) - househunting

It's a terrible thing, to be a bright, self-aware, creative person and
at the same time a complete coward. Less intelligent people might be
able to excuse their behaviour by saying they simply didn't spot the
opportunity to do something, but I can't honestly allow myself that. I
notice opportunities for cowardice more often than I like to admit.



For some reason, house-hunting shows up my yellow streak more than
almost anything else. I hate it. When I think of having to poke around
someone else's home, a wave of exhaustion sweeps over me.
Intellectually, I know that the sellers want people to look round; they
want people interested, they'd be delighted for me to turn up on their
doorstep. And it's not even as bad as that; up here there are specific,
agreed-on times for public viewings, so I'd just need to turn up on a
Tuesday evening and the whole process is well-understood. It's actually
quite difficult for me to get it wrong: and what would 'wrong'
constitute anyway?



So why do I loathe it so?



It's not even as if I haven't been through it before - although I am a
first-time buyer (heinous phrase), I went through the process of buying
a flat in Bristol, which only fell through at (almost literally) the
last minute. So I understand the process of purchase.



Is it the pressure of having to deal with lots of people? Perhaps.
That's probably the most likely reason. I'm terrible with
confrontation. House-hunting is, perhaps, the most confrontational thing
I am currently doing. The weird thing is that I am very competitive in
sports and games, but for some reason that isn't carrying over into
real life. Why? I don't know. Low self-esteem? Lack of inter-personal
contact? Well, duh. I'm entrusting this to the internet - what makes
you think I have a lack of inter-personal contact?



But it doesn't feel like I've hit the root of the problem here. Is it
something to do with the compromises involved? That's probably
something to do with it. I'm a terrible perfectionist, and I have great
difficulty in choosing what to sacrifice when it comes to compromise.
And of course I'm looking for exactly the same things as everyone else,
and on a single person's income it's difficult to compete. But money
isn't the concern.



Maybe it is the competition aspect of the whole thing. I don't honestly
know; but I shall be asking myself once again tomorrow - Sunday
afternoon is House-hunter's Time in Edinburgh.